Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I had totally forgotten about this johrnal - it seems in all the time me and jason have been together ihave hardly written  - and thats for many reasons. 

I shall have to get to work on keeping this updated again and trying to stay on top of it  - so much has changed in the last year since the other posts were put up.

Date:	2006-12-29 14:35
Subject:	Politics and People
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed
Music:	Meat Loaf: Bat of out Hell 3

The funeral arrangmenets are proving to be more of a nightmare than losing dad! mums decided she wont go now as it will casue issues - but her sister nad mum may be going - which means that there could be issues between my nan and my sister on that side.

WHY do people expect anitas behaviour to be normal and for her to understand peopels feelings and ways of donig things and expect her to have acted normally at big family events in the past when she doesnt really understand them or their importance? Irt seems my nan has fallen otu with my sister because my sister upset my mum at some pniot - the fuill stoy i couldnt be bothered to get into. Its all too petty for words. My nan didnt let my sister go to my grandads funeral and this one will be the first tiem they have met since.

Anita has that childlike quality of always trust everyone and always think they will love you back- she wont see anyhting wrong in talknig to nan at the funeral depsite the past hisotry - she doesnt hold on to issues - im sickended that so many of my family do.

Its no wonder im the total opposite nad dont tend tyo hold on to stuff myself- i get morte owerked up on other peopels behalf than for any slight against my self or directed at me - and dont hold onto negativity myself as i have seen the damage it has done to so many others.

WHY dio peopel expect others to be perfect and free from flaws when they themselves are so far from it?

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, "This is for you, Momma."

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty.

She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. "Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"

She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family and friends.

There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

Date:	2006-12-28 00:25
Subject:	Family Politics
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

What a day! Anger is not supposed to be the emotion i am feelnig today -but it is by far the strongest that ihave felt all day.

went over to Dads place today to meet up with Mike, my uncle and lin - to discuss funeral arrangements.

It seems most ofhte service had already been sorted, and the plans were made - with litte or no consideration to anything outside of hte small gorpu of peopel alreqady there. no plans had been made for Anita (my sister ) to get the the service (worcester) or any mention of any part of my family not off dads side - depsite ehe fact there are cousins and uncle/aunts of mine that related to dad. They may not have seen each other much in the last few eyarsa - but that doesnt negate to me theri importance - to others it seems to,

The biggest anger factor for me is my mum, lin has always been anti my mum - im not sure on the full history but there has aleays been huge tension - yet on mums side shes rather apathetic about lin. Dad has stayed in touch with mum - outside of me and mike - as he has helped her with computer problems and given her down loaded films on and off - but thats not something lin knows as it wouild have caused friction.

I feel my mum should be atthe service to say goodbye - but not to the wake afterwards which lin organicses. As far as i cna see theres no inclusion at hte moment for my mum to be ther because it might upset kllin. I dont find this fair - mum and dad lived next door to each other for years before they married (mum was married to a diff guy before my dad) and had remained friends since. When i mentioned this to Mike (my bro with same mum) he said mum shouldnt be there -but would be ok for my nan on mums side and my aunty on that side to be there - i sat and fumed! How can he exclude mum liek that and wexpect the rest of hwer side of hte family to be there as if thats normal.

A funeral is a one off chance to say goodbuye - politics and pettiness should be far from the situation - but seems to be the focus. I have got so wound up by it at the mo that i feel if it goes on this way i shant go- dad wouldnt want all this fighting and bickering.

Its 30 minutes out of a life time to sit through a service where ya dont even talk to eachother any way! why do people make such a tricky situation of it all.

The funeral has been set for Thursday 4th January - 3.30pm at Worcester

Well today has been up and down as expected. Jason didnt get up till noon as he hasnt had much sleep the last few days either, and then we went over his mums and then his brothers t odrop off all their presents.

Been a pleasant afternoon - but has meant i shant get over to kidderminster today as had intended. Have phoned up the peopel i had said would see thoguh so shall try adn get over there tomorrow.

J just doing christymas dinner tonight - so intend to finally have a drink - havent the last few days as things been so hectic and never knew when would need to drive. going to just chill out tonight and relax as muc has possible.

Well christmas went from bad to worse.

Went round the family in kidderminster on Chirsmtas Eve droppig off presents, went round dads and he was in bed asleep, he had been put on some new medication (stronger morphine to control the pain) and was sleeping a lot.( Read more... )

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Harry-Potter-Deathly-Hallows-Childrens/dp/B000818XA0/ref=pd_ts_c_th_1/026-0477076-0074850

you cn ALREADY reserve the new haryr potter book! prices gone up a bit

Well things have been very up and down since the last posting - so much I don’t even remember what’s gone on.

so this is a looooong post . . . . ( Read more... )

Reading jodi Picoult's "Perfect Match"

I came across the following couple of lines - that are short - but say so much.

(if you havent come across this author or her books make a point of doing so - read three now and tehy all been excellent)

Envy comes from wanting something that isnt yours
But greif comes from losing something you have already had.

Date:	2006-07-26 19:33
Subject:	starangest things in strangest places
Security:	Public
Mood:	cranky
Music:	Sister Sledge - We Are Family

Life aint what it should be right now.

Reading a novel (My Sisters Keeper by Jodi Picoult) and came across the following:

"Shooting stars are not stars at all. They're just rocks that enter the tmoshprere and catch fire under friction. What we wish on, when we see one, is only a trail of debris"

And scarily its really made me lok at some things in my life i know arent quiet right - but cant erally say how or why.
I think its gonig to be one of THOSE months again.

but in an upward way im hoping

http://www.easycarnivores.co.uk/site/content/view/15/1/


Stu got me one of these for my birthday! very unusual :)

Just got to not black thumb it now . . .maybe shall leave the care of it to jason

Just so anyone who reads this knows - i am goiung out on 13th July for a piss up in advance of my birthday (which isnt till monday) am going off to DV8 for theier Skint night - £7 in and all drinks are freeeeee.

Expect to get very pissed! so anyone in brum - or wanting to be in brum - is welcome to come along ;)

4.833 Views / 214 Fave's / 62 comments
Originally uploaded by Umaru Idi-Catteau.

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life. You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights. A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way. In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit. While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme. You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends. Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

Well things seemd so nice since coming back from America, but today has been one of the worst in a long time with Jason - hes obviously getting stressed at hte not having anincome thing now - but not admitting it and redirecting the qanger and turning it around on me for any little thing that bothers him. And im tired of taking his stress because he cant direct it in a more purposeful way.

He is a very childish person - wont discuss anything but comes out with whateva and so do you - without actually stating what it is im supposwed to also be doing or saying. Not a great way to communicate!

sometiems he can be so right -then days like today it just al feels so wrong. Whilst we are togheterim not being rcreative at all - he uis holding me back in that way for no real part of his fault - just being in a relatipnship where im not happy and able to let myself flow - always feel like im wlaknig on egg shells here.

If he doesnt get a job soon then i am seriously going to have to look at getting an office to work from so i can keep my own things flowing whilst he makes up his mind what he is doing -being together 24/7 is really beginning to get to me now.

tomorrow it may well all be forgotten - but right now i just feel so frustrated that what could be a good relatiopnship is being filled with such childish negativity. I only really saw how much he acts liek a child when on holiday with his mum and sister - and saw how he used the same childish voice nad arrogant DO THIS style to get what he wanted when he wanted o or had a sulk.

sometiemsi feel like im going otu with a ten year old. I know we all have good or bad days - and all can play the child at times. but it really is a bug when he cant also do the discussion to counteract it and overcome the problems it causes.

Date:	2006-05-28 21:44
Subject:	Test the Nation
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

www.bbc.co.uk/testthenation

Well got my best score on a test the nation quiz ever this time - 51 out of 65!
But that was mainly because it had lots of animal questions

http://www.jasonpercival.co.uk/Florida.htm holiday pics ;)

Well got back home ok - absolutely shattered! Had a panic at airport when told the excess baggage cgarges - so took all ehaviest stuff oput of cases and put it back in sues car. Checked in main luuggage then put all the heavy stuff back in the hand d luggage to get on plane Was first time i have ever had my hand luggage weighed when checking in for a flight - the difference between cheap holiday company and normally using virgin or BA i suppose.

Anne picked us up from the airport in my car - as we had bought so much stuff out in the states that with the new cases i bought as well there wsa no way we would have got in daves, or annes own Only just got it all in the escort estate

Bene dead since got back. didnt go to bed the Friday (arribved home 8amish after dropping Lil off at hers) had to print otu the hypnosis course notes for the Saturday and the Chakra assessmenet day notes for the sunday. so stayed up right through to make sure i got up in time for ggetting to essex on saturday! Managed it thankfully :)

Rain was pissing down on SAturday -so was glad had chosen to teach rather than go to Birmnigham pride which was on this wekeend too - the main show was headlining with peter Andre, Rowetta and the Cheeky girls - none of which i wanted to see so wasnt gonna pay £10 for a ticket to an event thta in past has always been free.

Got up this morning ready to teach the Chakra assessmenet day but felt far too rough - so cancellied it -thankfully the three people on it all friends so have rearranged for Thursday. Felt really bad all morning hte lack of sleep had caught up with me. but this afternoon popped into town with Jason and Anne to see the pride parade to support hte people we knew in it,. Was REALLY small this year and has to be said hardly worth doing. There was a salsa band that were fairly good and the Nightingale had a large group of dancers dancing together which made up haldf the parade!

gonna just crash out for rest of the sday now and shant bother going out tonight even if it is pride :)

WEll yesterday Ian had to go to hospital to get his check up and fitness check from having his heart bypass operaton a few weeks ago - he acting like he hadnt had it whihc is amazing. All was fine :)

We spent anther day shopping in the mall as it is only over the road from the hospital - had to buy a new suitcase as there was no way we would get home with everythng in the small holdall i brought over with me. Got a three case set for only $40 - about £25 - a big one, a pilot case for walk on and a toiletries bag :) Nice deal i thought as jAsons one case ad cost us more than that before we came out.

Bought a load more shirts and tops - 5 vest tops for only $10 - about £6. Fruit of the loom too! Me and jjason are seriously gonnahave to have a clear out when we get home and get rid of some of the clothes we cant fit in any more. But now he can swim i can see we will be going to the gym more - so wont get rid of the stuff my bely is to bigt for just yet ;)

Today is ts going to be a bit of a chill out day - but have got to go back to Gainesville for Sue to go to the doctors - she has managed to get posion ivy rash on her nad it is sperading so she got to go and get an injection! Shal try not to do any more shopping when over there though

Went to teh Red Lobster restaurant yesterday - all seafood - apparently its a chain of them. Was very nice food though - and had first semi cute waiter of the whole trip wait on us. for a unversity town the totty factor has been really low! Must be out of season

WE also went to Paynes prairie - a great place to see gators - well we didnt see none! Seems im destined to go home wthout seeing one of the buggers - we have triedplaces monring , afternon and evening now and they still keep hiding